Saturday, September 6, 2014

Apart at the Seams - Book Tour

This post is in participation with the Book Tour Lori is hosting for Melissa Ford’s new book, Apart at the Seams.

I greatly anticipated this book by MelissaFord; third in a series that includes Life from Scratch & Measure of Love. Apart at the Seams can be read on its own but if you enjoy it (& I know you would!) then do give Life from Scratch & Measure of Love a read too!

The main character in Life from Scratch & Measure of Love is Rachel. Apart at the Seams is written from the perspective of Arianna, Rachel’s best friend. Apart at the Seams follows the events from Measure of Love but from Arianna’s perspective. For me, it was a brilliant way to remind us all to try to see life from the other side of the coin.

What I love about Melissa’s writing is that she immerses me in the story. I become emotionally attached to her characters & find myself thinking of them long after I’ve finished the book, wondering how they’re doing as though they’re old friends & not works of fiction.


Three questions from the tour group & my answers:

1) Marriage is one of the main themes in the story. Do you think it is possible for a couple to share a long-term domestic relationship without actually being officially married? Why is our society so keen on the expectation of marriage in a romantic relationship despite the high divorce rates?

It is absolutely possible to share a long term domestic relationship without being officially married. Just because a couple doesn’t stand in front of their friends & family & say vows & make marriage promises doesn’t make their commitment to each other less valid. A marriage in and of itself is a private matter between the couple, why do they need to make such a public declaration to make it valid in the eyes of society?

2) Arianna tells Rachel, "I think there are people we should be with at different stages in our life, and maybe those stages stretch on for fifty years or maybe they're over in a few months" as a reason for not considering marriage. Do you think not knowing the span a relationship may last is reason enough to not commit completely?

I feel we would do ourselves a grave disservice if we didn’t allow ourselves to commit completely to a relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, just because we don’t know the span the relationship will have. I can only imagine how shallow our interactions would be if we all applied this theory to our relationships. Knowing a relationship could have a short span feels like more of a reason for me to really put my whole self into it & get the very most out of it knowing our time would be fleeting as opposed to knowing a relationship will span fifty years & I know I have ample time to cultivate the relationship.

3) It feels as though Arianna would become irritated with Ethan for not doing things she needed him to do yet she often wouldn't verbalize clearly what it was she wanted or needed. Why do you think asking for exactly what you need makes you feel so vulnerable?

For me, admitting I “need” at all makes me feel like I’m failing, like I should be able to do it all & by admitting I can’t means I’m failing at it all. Feeling like I’m failing is a pretty vulnerable feeling. Which, logically, I find ridiculous because I would never think that of anyone who expressed a need to me or asked for my help. The last thing I would think of them is that they’re failing.

To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at


  1. Definitely shouldn't think of asking as failing! Especially in a case like Arianna vs Ethan when you can describe it as "directing". He did seem to want to help, but wasn't sure how.

    In terms of marriage, I don't think it's less valid (though I know some disagree) but it certainly can be less confusing for people to know, ok, married/not married. But in terms of anyone else's business? No not really. We all have to live with a little confusion sometimes! The most important thing is that the couple knows what's going on.

  2. Your response to #3 makes a whole lotta sense.

    I'm so glad you joined the book tour!

  3. I feel the institution of marriage is important, as is the institution of family. Just my two cents...

  4. I agree that if a relationship is about the couple then it should be framed entirely within the needs of the couple: not the needs of people external to the relationship. So if marriage works for them, great. If it doesn't, then create something else.

    And does everyone know that THIS Tara is whom the Tara in the book is named for?

  5. Oh, I am so with you on the answer to question #3! That's really insightful.

    And I agree, a relationship between two people should serve them - whether that's a marriage or not.

  6. I think society cannot understand why a couple who is in love does not have the courage to stand up and publicly say so, especially since there are benefits to being married. The legal status is important for others, because status is always important in society. Being together for a long time and not getting married is often construed as a cowardice. Which might not be so, but then show me one example when the masses know better what an individual needs. :-)

  7. Love your response to question #1. My Uncle and his long term partner for over 40 years never got officially "married" and I always assumed that they were so when I was a child and considered her my Aunt. I respect their decision to not officially tie the knot although they are very much a happily after couple despite the lack of a wedding certificate.


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