I need your advice…I’m asking for your opinion…on a few things…all related to “The Daddy Question”
I have started telling Elena the story of her…I’m interested in your thoughts…here’s what I tell her:
“I always wanted to be a mommy…I waited & waited & waited…until I couldn’t wait anymore. I thought & thought & I looked & looked & picked the very best donor. Then, I went to a special Doctor & he put the donor sperm into Mommy’s tummy & it combined with Mommy’s egg…& it grew & grew & got bigger & bigger…& became YOU!! I always wanted to be your mommy. I love you so very much & you make me so very proud”…then we kiss & cuddle.The funniest is that she gets so excited when we get to the part about the doctor & she squeals, “Doctor! Doctor!” She also loves the part about getting bigger & becoming her.
What do you think? Can I phrase any of it any better? Am I missing any important info? Am I giving too much info?
Elena is still calling my Mom “Daddy” instead of Gramma. We never refer to her as daddy but my Mom does answer to it. Initially, it felt as though Elena was just confusing sounds. For example, she says doctor “gah-go”…but it has become apparent that she knows the difference between “daddy” & “gramma”. At gymnastics, when a father is there, she will point at them & say, “Daddy!” (I don’t mean she thinks this is her daddy, she is just pointing out he is a daddy) When I encourage Elena to say “Gramma”, she just looks at me slyly…I have even just made it a non-issue, thinking she’ll just switch to Gramma…part of me feels as though this is the name she has chosen for my Mom & it doesn’t seem to bother my Mom…so why not just let Elena call her Daddy?
My concern is, now that Elena is attending preschool, interacting more & more with other children & families, will she be ridiculed for calling my Mom Daddy? It can be complicated to explain to new people all the time that Elena means Gramma when she says “daddy”…when the three of us are out together & Elena is calling “Da-dee!!!” & my Mom responds we get some odd looks for sure. So what are the potential issues with Elena calling my Mom daddy? Do you think I should worry less about what others think & just let Elena call my Mom what she wants? What about when she gets to kindergarten & older?
Elena has become very aware of men lately; she points them out all the time & says, “Maaaan.” She will also identify them as daddies. So she seems aware what a daddy is. Am I harming her psychologically by allowing her to label my Mom “Daddy”? Daddy feels & sounds so much like a term of endearment when Elena says it in reference to my Mom. Am I harming her psychologically by forcing her to call my Mom “Gramma”?
What do you think? What advice do you have for me? Because I am turning this all over in my head constantly & would really love to hear some new perspectives.